My Own Story (a short version)

I often like to inquire with others about their beliefs and the foundation of their faith, if they profess any.  I find value in what they say.  I believe it helps open up mutually beneficial conversation.  I learn things from people, and I hope that they'll want to hear from me, because after being given so much from God I certainly have things to share.  The other day, someone in a video comments section asked me about my own experiences.  They didn't ask specifics, so I have to summarize a bit.  I doubt that anyone will ever want to read a full biography that would be drastically longer, but here's a short version of my history with my religious faith and knowledge:

I was born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  My parents were divorced when I was three years old.  I was baptized at the standard age of eight years old.  As I grew up, I had many positive (if probably very typical) experiences with the Church, including study, friendship, and service opportunities.  Another part of being in the Church was commonly eating food from the Bishop's Storehouse that my mother didn't have to pay for.  When I got older and went off to college, I got a bit lazy when it came to religion.  For example, sometimes I just didn't go to church on Sundays, for no particular reason.  All young latter-day saint men were expected to serve as missionaries upon turning nineteen, but as I thought about it, I knew I didn't want to go just because other people expected me to.  So I went back to college for another year, and then began to serve.  I also began to want more of a relationship with my father, and at my request he supported me financially when I left to serve as a full-time missionary.

Both before and after my missionary service, at times I came across information about Church procedures or Church history, perhaps relating to individual leaders, that seemed strange.  Broadly speaking, I found a way to be patient with not completely understanding some things immediately.  One morning, when I was 18 or 19 and I was playing hymns on the piano in an empty classroom in the Institute of Religion at the college, some words in the second verse of "Be Still, My Soul" really struck me: "Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake / To guide the future as He has the past. / Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake / All now mysterious shall be bright at last."  As the years have passed, I've had opportunities here and there to learn more or gain better insights from people who have shared them with me, and many things that felt mysterious or strange before turned out to not be worrisome at all.  When dealing with information from opponents of the Church, I also realized that, at least partially because they don't have the Church's best interests in mind, they sometimes promote information that is partially or wholly untrue, but even when only relying on reliable facts they frequently choose the worst possible conclusion from available data instead of the best possible conclusion.  I have found that while seeking truth and answers to questions, sometimes it comes quickly and sometimes not, but I always eventually learn more and I find great reason to trust what God has given me.

Trust in God is one of the great life lessons I learned as a missionary, but I also became much more able to recognize God's influence in my life, particularly through the Holy Ghost.  When at the missionary training center, our teachers (former missionaries themselves) taught us about how important it was to help people to recognize the Holy Ghost as we taught them.  I remember struggling with this; I wasn't sure that I knew how to do this.  I asked one of my teachers about it, and he suggested that because I had grown up with the Church, perhaps I was accustomed to it so much that I sometimes took it for granted.  He spoke to reassure me, and I wasn't fully satisfied, but I hoped to figure it out.  Several days later, as I was being taught again by a different teacher, I thought to myself, "The Spirit of God is very strong here today."  And then I realized what I had just done; I had listened to God in my heart and felt Him there, and recognized it.  As I did so, I realized that it was indeed something I had felt and known many times in my life.  I then gladly taught others about it and have enjoyed God's joy and peace not only during my mission but also many, many times since.

I will share one particular experience I had with the Holy Ghost during my mission.  I lived and taught in the city of Yamoussoukro for five months.  One day, while walking through a corridor of a housing area, I looked to the side and noticed one of the housing units and its number.  (I think it was 157 or 152, but it's been two decades ago and I don't have a great memory.)  That was all, at first; I just noticed it.  Some time later--maybe a few days or weeks--my companion and I had some time available in the evening, and he asked me what I thought we should do.  I mentioned the door I'd seen before and suggested that we could visit the people who lived there.  So we did.  Either that evening or upon making an appointment and returning (I don't remember which), we were greeted by the couple who lived there and we taught the first missionary lesson to them.  The husband was somehow employed by a local church and accommodated us more out of patient courtesy than anything else, and in the end didn't seem particularly interested.  I imagine that he later discouraged his wife; in any event, we didn't end up teaching them further and I don't know the end of her story.  But I do remember very well what happened during the lesson.  We spoke of God, of Jesus Christ, of Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon, and then of the Holy Ghost.  After teaching, I turned to the woman and asked her (in French, the local national language), "What do you feel right now?"  She paused, with an almost troubled or slightly perplexed look on her face, and I asked her again, "What do you feel inside right now?"  With little more pause, she answered with these exact words: "La joie du cœur."  Translated into English, that means, "joy of heart."  Her husband looked directly at her with evident surprise.  I don't think she was even literate, but she knew what she felt inside.  I told her it was the Holy Ghost, and I knew that she knew that we had spoken truth from God.

One other major life lesson I learned as a missionary was that God is merciful.  I have long considered myself the most blessed person I know, and I realize that while I've tried to do good things in life, nothing I've done could merit the many blessings I've received.  I'm blessed far beyond what I feel I deserve by my own worthiness.

In the decades following my mission, I've had a great many other experiences that continue to shape my faith and knowledge.  I've seen other people grow in faith or abandon faith, I've seen people die, I've witnessed the Church as a worldwide body with the same spirit of fellowship and Spirit of God everywhere, I've had glimpses into Church administration, and I've learned more about Church history.  I have had very difficult trials that would require much more space to write about.  I've been blessed to know many disciples of Christ and many other good people across the United States and the world; I've been served by them and I've done what I could to serve them.  I've seen the Church help people with material needs, and I've been blessed to be able to give now instead of receiving.  I have had witness after witness from God about the truth of the gospel and his desire for me to participate in His Church, despite my many failings and the many failings I've witnessed in other people even as we try to follow our Savior.  I have hoped to be of service to the people around me and I've certainly hoped to show love in everything I do.  I think I'm learning that love better; it sure means a lot to me to learn it.  I am happy to extend an offer of support to anyone, and if you ever think I can help you in any way, whether to answer questions or even just as a listening ear.  If I were without you in person, I would offer a hug also, but alas, that's not possible over the Internet.  But I hope you know that I find myself with the best of reasons to follow the two great commandments, and though I can't express it as perfectly as God can, I am happy to say that I love you, and I hope that you seek and receive God's greatest blessings.

Last thoughts for now:
To anyone who ever cares enough to read these things, please know that I share them with the utmost sincerity and a real, if imperfect, desire to share truth and love.  Reach out to me any time, and as a disciple of Christ, I will reach back out to you.