(Note: I realized later that I actually did mention this before, on 03 July 2018. It's actually pretty similar thoughts, including the same quoted scripture, but I'll leave this second post here. It might be interesting to compare the two posts.)
I tend to easily put things from the past behind me, and I feel like they gather dust on the back shelves of my mind rather quickly. It seems that other people tend to remember more from their past than I do, whereas I, for better or worse, tend to not think about most of my past. But from time to time, someone says something, surely without expecting me to find it particularly remarkable, that sticks with me for years and years.
One of these happened around the time my sister got married. My wife and I were in Utah, and she was able to attend my sister's bridal shower, which was being held at my uncle Dale's house. I had nothing better to do, so I tagged along to the house but remained apart from the shower activities. While there, Dale's wife Diane took some time to talk with me.
We must have spoken for a while, and it was probably mostly just getting caught up with each other's recent life events, but I really don't remember anything she said that evening except for one sentence. I had commented about her children, and made some general remark about how eight children is a lot. She then responded with the sentence I will never forget. As well as I can remember, this is what she said:
"If I had the chance to do it again, I'd have them closer together so that I could have more."
Wow. That was my reaction: wow. That wasn't what I expected. I wasn't at all opposed to having children; quite the contrary, really. I planned on it. But that expression from her was so different from what I expect from most people. Even a family with eight children is fairly rare, but to want more?
I once spoke with an old friend who met me and my wife for lunch. During our conversation then, he told us that he and his wife didn't plan to have children. It really hurt to hear him say so. By that time, we'd already had at least one child ourselves, so we knew how joyous it could be. Additionally, this friend had served as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ and knew, at least on some level, that God wants us to raise children. In the years that have followed, this friend and his wife have had at least one child, and I was glad to hear it. But I've heard from quite a few others who have expressed similar thoughts about not planning to have children.
From Psalm 127:3-5, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them".
My wife and I had many discussions over the years about when to have more children. We didn't always agree, and sometimes had to wait. We now have six children and have determined that we will have no more. I accept that everyone has to be done with that period of their life at some point--eventually the mother's "biological clock" runs out even if she wants to keep going--and we reached it after our sixth child was born. Would I have wanted more, with less space between them? Yes; I understand now pretty well what my aunt meant. Am I happy with my children? So very much. When responding to others asking how many children I have, I commonly tell them the number and then very honestly add, "And I like each one of them!" I would encourage everyone who is able to raise children to do so (having married traditionally so that the children could be raised by both a mother and father).
Last thoughts for now:
I'm grateful that my Aunt Diane expressed that thought to me all those years ago. The world needs encouragement to follow God's will, especially related to such a vital commandment as "multiply, and replenish the earth." The blessings and joy of parenting are boundless, and God's children, waiting to come to the Earth, need good homes where they will be loved and taught by dedicated parents. I'm grateful beyond words to be able to raise my children.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Sunday, October 1, 2023
Thoughts that Stay With Me: "If I Had the Chance to Do It Again..."
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Fisher Family Traditions: Family Time
I've always found it important to re-evaluate the way we do things and make changes as necessary (which should be normal, really, if we're repenting as we should). However, when we think we've got a good idea we tend to want to hold onto it. One of our favorite family traditions is something call Family Time.
Family Time is a lot like Family Home Evening, except that it's simpler and we do it every day. In the Church we've repeatedly been counseled to pray together daily as a family and to read scriptures together daily. We've also been counseled that music invites the Holy Ghost. These things are the foundation of Family Time.
A while back we also picked up a part I called "gathering". With that added in, here's how our tradition goes before the kids' bedtime:
Gathering consists of tidying up the living room (which helps Mama to keep the house clean) and then sitting reverently while I play some music on the piano (generally from the Children's Songbook). I explain to the kids that when we're reverent, we listen to the Holy Ghost, and I sometimes ask what the Holy Ghost told them. I figure that by practicing reverence at home, the kids will be better at being reverent at church and at other appropriate times.
After gathering, we sing a song together. For now this is usually from the Children's Songbook instead of the Hymnal. Sometimes we sing a song that we don't know well, and occasionally one that none of us has even heard before. If we need to, one of the parents speaks a line of the lyrics before we sing them. We then read several verses of scripture. The passage could be as short as two verses (not very often at all) or even a whole chapter (also not very often), though usually it's closer to five or six verses. The length of the passage is not really important; mostly we want to talk about whatever idea or ideas are contained in the given passage. We've been reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, and after a few years we're almost through 3 Nephi. We give everyone a chance to "read"; the younger kids repeat back the words of a verse as a parent reads them. (At one point our three-year old displayed some unwillingness to participate; we used his natural sense of possessiveness to our advantage. We ask, "Who gets to read Marshall's verse?" to which he happily raises his hand and says, "Me!" It works almost without fail.) As the kids participate this way they're also practicing their skills with either reading or memory. Depending on what the passage, we might even act out what we've read so that the kids can better understand. After we've read scripture we pray. For this prayer we kneel in a circle, and lately we've taken to also holding hands as well.
We try to keep up the tradition even when it's not convenient, such as when travelling. We've even had Family Time in the van. Sometimes we cut it a little bit short if necessary, though I'm always wary of selling ourselves short. The kids are accustomed to it and prod us as well. When we've wanted to keep it short by just having a family prayer, our sweet little three-year-old reminds us that we "forgot to read scriptures". Because of his encouragement, I've made sure to make the effort to read together even if it's late.
When we get the opportunity, we invite others to participate in our Family Time. It's a treat for us, and it provides a missionary experience as well when our guests are not members of the Church. I think it's one of the best ways to bring the Holy Ghost to people.
And, on Mondays, we have Family Home evening, which at a minimum also includes an opening prayer and a lesson but often also involves testimonies, an activity, and a treat.
Last thoughts for now:
Family Time is a wonderful tradition for us. I know that our family and our individual children are strengthened because of it. The kids expect it, and while we still need a lot of practice being reverent, they're learning a bit every day. I'm grateful for the counsel of living prophets and am glad that we've found a good tradition by which we can obey that counsel.
Family Time is a lot like Family Home Evening, except that it's simpler and we do it every day. In the Church we've repeatedly been counseled to pray together daily as a family and to read scriptures together daily. We've also been counseled that music invites the Holy Ghost. These things are the foundation of Family Time.
A while back we also picked up a part I called "gathering". With that added in, here's how our tradition goes before the kids' bedtime:
Gathering consists of tidying up the living room (which helps Mama to keep the house clean) and then sitting reverently while I play some music on the piano (generally from the Children's Songbook). I explain to the kids that when we're reverent, we listen to the Holy Ghost, and I sometimes ask what the Holy Ghost told them. I figure that by practicing reverence at home, the kids will be better at being reverent at church and at other appropriate times.
After gathering, we sing a song together. For now this is usually from the Children's Songbook instead of the Hymnal. Sometimes we sing a song that we don't know well, and occasionally one that none of us has even heard before. If we need to, one of the parents speaks a line of the lyrics before we sing them. We then read several verses of scripture. The passage could be as short as two verses (not very often at all) or even a whole chapter (also not very often), though usually it's closer to five or six verses. The length of the passage is not really important; mostly we want to talk about whatever idea or ideas are contained in the given passage. We've been reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, and after a few years we're almost through 3 Nephi. We give everyone a chance to "read"; the younger kids repeat back the words of a verse as a parent reads them. (At one point our three-year old displayed some unwillingness to participate; we used his natural sense of possessiveness to our advantage. We ask, "Who gets to read Marshall's verse?" to which he happily raises his hand and says, "Me!" It works almost without fail.) As the kids participate this way they're also practicing their skills with either reading or memory. Depending on what the passage, we might even act out what we've read so that the kids can better understand. After we've read scripture we pray. For this prayer we kneel in a circle, and lately we've taken to also holding hands as well.
We try to keep up the tradition even when it's not convenient, such as when travelling. We've even had Family Time in the van. Sometimes we cut it a little bit short if necessary, though I'm always wary of selling ourselves short. The kids are accustomed to it and prod us as well. When we've wanted to keep it short by just having a family prayer, our sweet little three-year-old reminds us that we "forgot to read scriptures". Because of his encouragement, I've made sure to make the effort to read together even if it's late.
When we get the opportunity, we invite others to participate in our Family Time. It's a treat for us, and it provides a missionary experience as well when our guests are not members of the Church. I think it's one of the best ways to bring the Holy Ghost to people.
And, on Mondays, we have Family Home evening, which at a minimum also includes an opening prayer and a lesson but often also involves testimonies, an activity, and a treat.
Last thoughts for now:
Family Time is a wonderful tradition for us. I know that our family and our individual children are strengthened because of it. The kids expect it, and while we still need a lot of practice being reverent, they're learning a bit every day. I'm grateful for the counsel of living prophets and am glad that we've found a good tradition by which we can obey that counsel.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
He Maketh His Sun to Rise
I've said before that the most instructive part of my life is being a parent. As I try to be a good father, I gain insight on my Heavenly Father, which is important because I'm trying to emulate Him and His Son.
I give a fair amount of thought to how I (and we, including my wife) want to do things. We have certain rules in the house, of course, and I take a certain attitude toward my kids in which I try to treat them with the same intelligence and respect that I would show to anyone else. I try to grant my children responsibility for their actions so that they can learn from them. I try to avoid coercing them. I try to encourage talking when there's a problem. I aim to encourage good behavior and not encourage bad behavior. My wife and I do pretty well with it. Granted, I'm unfortunately lazy sometimes and with my imperfections I make a host of mistakes, but I have some practices that I've thought through and I want to keep.
I want my children to understand consequences because I want them to know why they should make good choices. Perhaps, though, imposed consequences are not always the best idea. Recently I again adjusted my outlook on parenting with the thought that there are going to be certain things that I do for my kids regardless of what they do beforehand. For example, I want to read to my kids before they go to bed, observe their night-time prayers, and sing to them as they lie down. Sometimes I've deprived them of the experience because it was late, they took too long getting ready for bed, because their room was messy, or a combination of those reasons. Really, though, I don't want to deprive them (or myself) of those things.
The thought is mirrored in a scriptural passage that has long been one of my favorites. In 3 Nephi 12:44-45 (and similarly in Matthew 5:44-45) Jesus is teaching about love and how we can be more like our Father in Heaven: "But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good."
I suppose that's what we call unconditional love. From what I'm told, that's the kind of love we're supposed to show to our family (and everybody else, too).
Last thoughts for now:
There are still going to be circumstances in my parenting when conditions apply and the kids will miss out on something good because they failed to meet a prerequisite. I want to show them true love, though, so that they really know that I love them. I want them to know that if they "turn away, or disobey, or go astray" ("Teacher, Do You Love Me?" -- Children's Songbook, page 178) I will still love them and be ready to help them just like my Father in Heaven is always there for me no matter how often I make dumb mistakes. I need to show them that love. So at bedtime I will make my song to sing for both the kids who are behaving well and the kids who aren't, just as God "maketh His sun to rise".
I give a fair amount of thought to how I (and we, including my wife) want to do things. We have certain rules in the house, of course, and I take a certain attitude toward my kids in which I try to treat them with the same intelligence and respect that I would show to anyone else. I try to grant my children responsibility for their actions so that they can learn from them. I try to avoid coercing them. I try to encourage talking when there's a problem. I aim to encourage good behavior and not encourage bad behavior. My wife and I do pretty well with it. Granted, I'm unfortunately lazy sometimes and with my imperfections I make a host of mistakes, but I have some practices that I've thought through and I want to keep.
I want my children to understand consequences because I want them to know why they should make good choices. Perhaps, though, imposed consequences are not always the best idea. Recently I again adjusted my outlook on parenting with the thought that there are going to be certain things that I do for my kids regardless of what they do beforehand. For example, I want to read to my kids before they go to bed, observe their night-time prayers, and sing to them as they lie down. Sometimes I've deprived them of the experience because it was late, they took too long getting ready for bed, because their room was messy, or a combination of those reasons. Really, though, I don't want to deprive them (or myself) of those things.
The thought is mirrored in a scriptural passage that has long been one of my favorites. In 3 Nephi 12:44-45 (and similarly in Matthew 5:44-45) Jesus is teaching about love and how we can be more like our Father in Heaven: "But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good."
I suppose that's what we call unconditional love. From what I'm told, that's the kind of love we're supposed to show to our family (and everybody else, too).
Last thoughts for now:
There are still going to be circumstances in my parenting when conditions apply and the kids will miss out on something good because they failed to meet a prerequisite. I want to show them true love, though, so that they really know that I love them. I want them to know that if they "turn away, or disobey, or go astray" ("Teacher, Do You Love Me?" -- Children's Songbook, page 178) I will still love them and be ready to help them just like my Father in Heaven is always there for me no matter how often I make dumb mistakes. I need to show them that love. So at bedtime I will make my song to sing for both the kids who are behaving well and the kids who aren't, just as God "maketh His sun to rise".
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The Most Important Human Link
The culminating ordinance of salvation is the sealing of a husband and wife. As with previous ordinances such as baptism and the endowment, we make covenants as we receive this ordinance. According to the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 131, verses 1-4, if we are to enter into the highest heaven in the Celestial Kingdom, we "must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]".
It's possible and common for children to be sealed to their parents, but I've been told and it makes sense to me that the most important sealing is that between husband and wife, and that when a son or daughter is sealed to their spouse that the new sealing takes precedence.
There are at least two reasons why a sealing to a husband or wife is the most important. Firstly, as the aforementioned passage states, those who don't enter into that covenant with their spouse "cannot have an increase" because they cannot have spirit children. Secondly, to be sealed to a spouse is to make a covenant; that covenant, like others we make, guides us and strengthens us. That covenant defines our sealing in a way that is different than if we are "born in the covenant" to parents who are sealed or if we are sealed to them after birth.
The covenant of a temple marriage and sealing is also something that distinguishes the marriage from other common marriages, not only because it is eternal, but because of the nature of the covenant itself. Rather than being just a contract between two people, a sealing is a covenant that two people each make with God. The defining relationship is that between us and Heavenly Father. This is important in that as we each draw nearer to God we will become closer to each other, like two lines meeting at a common point.
It is also vital to remember this when one spouse fails to stay on that path. I have counseled friends to remember this principle: if we have been hurt by an unfaithful spouse we will do well to remember that the covenant whe made was with God, and that regardless of our spouse's actions, we are still obligated to live up to our covenants, and doing so includes loving and forgiving our spouse.
Last thoughts for now:
I hope that my wife will forgive me of my mistakes, and I intend to always forgive her as well. I'm grateful for my covenants and particularly those I have made in the holy temple of God. I hope for everyone to find the love of God as they follow His word and I hope for everyone to enter into the everlasting covenant of marriage.
It's possible and common for children to be sealed to their parents, but I've been told and it makes sense to me that the most important sealing is that between husband and wife, and that when a son or daughter is sealed to their spouse that the new sealing takes precedence.
There are at least two reasons why a sealing to a husband or wife is the most important. Firstly, as the aforementioned passage states, those who don't enter into that covenant with their spouse "cannot have an increase" because they cannot have spirit children. Secondly, to be sealed to a spouse is to make a covenant; that covenant, like others we make, guides us and strengthens us. That covenant defines our sealing in a way that is different than if we are "born in the covenant" to parents who are sealed or if we are sealed to them after birth.
The covenant of a temple marriage and sealing is also something that distinguishes the marriage from other common marriages, not only because it is eternal, but because of the nature of the covenant itself. Rather than being just a contract between two people, a sealing is a covenant that two people each make with God. The defining relationship is that between us and Heavenly Father. This is important in that as we each draw nearer to God we will become closer to each other, like two lines meeting at a common point.
It is also vital to remember this when one spouse fails to stay on that path. I have counseled friends to remember this principle: if we have been hurt by an unfaithful spouse we will do well to remember that the covenant whe made was with God, and that regardless of our spouse's actions, we are still obligated to live up to our covenants, and doing so includes loving and forgiving our spouse.
Last thoughts for now:
I hope that my wife will forgive me of my mistakes, and I intend to always forgive her as well. I'm grateful for my covenants and particularly those I have made in the holy temple of God. I hope for everyone to find the love of God as they follow His word and I hope for everyone to enter into the everlasting covenant of marriage.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The Most Important Message
I while back I saw a bumper sticker on someone's vehicle that said something like, "My child is excellent." I've seen plenty of stickers that say something positive about a child, for example, declaring that the child is an honor student at their school. I began to wonder to myself, "What do I want to say about my child?"
Praise and compliments generally good, and I'm sure we need more of them. At the same time, I'm wary of some praise for a couple of reasons. Sometimes our seemingly positive remarks can become pride-inducing flattery. Also, a positive remark about one person can imply a negative remark about another (see "The Tongue of Angels", Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, 177th Annual General Conference, April 2007).
After a moment of reflection, I decided on the most important message for my children. It is a message I don't care to broadcast to the world, though it is and should be applicable to all. The most important thing I will tell my children is this: "You are a child of God."
It's a beautiful statement so simply put, and it carries with it many important implied truths. Such a statement does not give a person any reason for boasting and does not denigrate anyone else. It does carry with it a sense of hope, destiny, and duty in righteousness. While it makes no determination of our worthiness before our Heavenly Father, it is a reminder that the evil and wasteful things of the world are unworthy of us. As my children grow it will serve as a reminder of covenants they have made with God, and throughout life it will be essential knowledge in guiding their lives, because they will come to know who they are intended to be and the eternal existence they are intended to have.
So that's what I want my kids to know.
Last thoughts for now:
I hope to teach my children many things, and to raise them up with a good knowledge of the gospel. It will be vital for them to understand the Atonement and the Restoration; however, before my children can fully appreciate these things, and even if they understand nothing else, I want them to understand with certainty the words of a beloved song when they sing them: "I am a child of God."
Praise and compliments generally good, and I'm sure we need more of them. At the same time, I'm wary of some praise for a couple of reasons. Sometimes our seemingly positive remarks can become pride-inducing flattery. Also, a positive remark about one person can imply a negative remark about another (see "The Tongue of Angels", Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, 177th Annual General Conference, April 2007).
After a moment of reflection, I decided on the most important message for my children. It is a message I don't care to broadcast to the world, though it is and should be applicable to all. The most important thing I will tell my children is this: "You are a child of God."
It's a beautiful statement so simply put, and it carries with it many important implied truths. Such a statement does not give a person any reason for boasting and does not denigrate anyone else. It does carry with it a sense of hope, destiny, and duty in righteousness. While it makes no determination of our worthiness before our Heavenly Father, it is a reminder that the evil and wasteful things of the world are unworthy of us. As my children grow it will serve as a reminder of covenants they have made with God, and throughout life it will be essential knowledge in guiding their lives, because they will come to know who they are intended to be and the eternal existence they are intended to have.
So that's what I want my kids to know.
Last thoughts for now:
I hope to teach my children many things, and to raise them up with a good knowledge of the gospel. It will be vital for them to understand the Atonement and the Restoration; however, before my children can fully appreciate these things, and even if they understand nothing else, I want them to understand with certainty the words of a beloved song when they sing them: "I am a child of God."
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Joy of Fatherhood
At Snow College, I was an assistant ward clerk for a while. One day, while we were waiting for a meeting to start, Bishop Cragun shared a thought with us. I don't think he particularly intended to teach anything with his words, but they have stayed with me. He was speaking of one of his children and one of their activities (I believe it was wrestling). He said that he had wrestled when he was younger, but it was more fun to watch his children do it.
I remember coming to a strange realization myself. I remember echoing others' thoughts that children are entertained by the simplest things. Then, one day as I watched my own daughter, I saw the other side of it: I'm entertained when she does the simplest things. I love hearing her speak. I love watching her learn. She is endlessly entertaining.
Those who achieve the highest degree of exaltation do so specifically because they will exercise the greatest power: procreation. The greatest joy beings can have is found in watching our children and helping them to grow.
Last thoughts for now:
After personal righteousness, my greatest concern is for my family. I look forward to having more children and raising them to love life and live truth.
I remember coming to a strange realization myself. I remember echoing others' thoughts that children are entertained by the simplest things. Then, one day as I watched my own daughter, I saw the other side of it: I'm entertained when she does the simplest things. I love hearing her speak. I love watching her learn. She is endlessly entertaining.
Those who achieve the highest degree of exaltation do so specifically because they will exercise the greatest power: procreation. The greatest joy beings can have is found in watching our children and helping them to grow.
Last thoughts for now:
After personal righteousness, my greatest concern is for my family. I look forward to having more children and raising them to love life and live truth.
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