Thoughts that Stay With Me: "If I Had the Chance to Do It Again..."

(Note: I realized later that I actually did mention this before, on 03 July 2018.  It's actually pretty similar thoughts, including the same quoted scripture, but I'll leave this second post here.  It might be interesting to compare the two posts.)

I tend to easily put things from the past behind me, and I feel like they gather dust on the back shelves of my mind rather quickly.  It seems that other people tend to remember more from their past than I do, whereas I, for better or worse, tend to not think about most of my past.  But from time to time, someone says something, surely without expecting me to find it particularly remarkable, that sticks with me for years and years.

One of these happened around the time my sister got married.  My wife and I were in Utah, and she was able to attend my sister's bridal shower, which was being held at my uncle Dale's house.  I had nothing better to do, so I tagged along to the house but remained apart from the shower activities.  While there, Dale's wife Diane took some time to talk with me.

We must have spoken for a while, and it was probably mostly just getting caught up with each other's recent life events, but I really don't remember anything she said that evening except for one sentence.  I had commented about her children, and made some general remark about how eight children is a lot.  She then responded with the sentence I will never forget.  As well as I can remember, this is what she said:

"If I had the chance to do it again, I'd have them closer together so that I could have more."

Wow.  That was my reaction: wow.  That wasn't what I expected.  I wasn't at all opposed to having children; quite the contrary, really.  I planned on it.  But that expression from her was so different from what I expect from most people.  Even a family with eight children is fairly rare, but to want more?

I once spoke with an old friend who met me and my wife for lunch.  During our conversation then, he told us that he and his wife didn't plan to have children.  It really hurt to hear him say so.  By that time, we'd already had at least one child ourselves, so we knew how joyous it could be.  Additionally, this friend had served as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ and knew, at least on some level, that God wants us to raise children.  In the years that have followed, this friend and his wife have had at least one child, and I was glad to hear it.  But I've heard from quite a few others who have expressed similar thoughts about not planning to have children.

From Psalm 127:3-5, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them".

My wife and I had many discussions over the years about when to have more children.  We didn't always agree, and sometimes had to wait.  We now have six children and have determined that we will have no more.  I accept that everyone has to be done with that period of their life at some point--eventually the mother's "biological clock" runs out even if she wants to keep going--and we reached it after our sixth child was born.  Would I have wanted more, with less space between them?  Yes; I understand now pretty well what my aunt meant.  Am I happy with my children?  So very much.  When responding to others asking how many children I have, I commonly tell them the number and then very honestly add, "And I like each one of them!"  I would encourage everyone who is able to raise children to do so (having married traditionally so that the children could be raised by both a mother and father).

Last thoughts for now:
I'm grateful that my Aunt Diane expressed that thought to me all those years ago.  The world needs encouragement to follow God's will, especially related to such a vital commandment as "multiply, and replenish the earth."  The blessings and joy of parenting are boundless, and God's children, waiting to come to the Earth, need good homes where they will be loved and taught by dedicated parents.  I'm grateful beyond words to be able to raise my children.

A Full Quiver

I believe it was at my sister's wedding shower, at my Uncle Dale and Aunt Diane's house during some regular conversation, that Diane said one of those very simple things that I have always remembered (much like another simple statement about parenthood I mentioned before at http://inspirationandmusings.blogspot.com/2008/11/joy-of-fatherhood.html).  We were discussing family and I made some generic comment about them having quite a few children.  (They have eight.)

Diane responded, saying, "If I could do it again I would have them closer together, so that I could have more."

That quotation might not be word-for-word, but the idea is clear.  It is a sentiment that is vastly different from the majority of people in the world.  Many have few children, and some have none at all by their own choice.  People often enough speak of children as being a burden or a hassle, and in some ways it's very easy to sympathize with them.  But Diane saw a value in her children that inspired her to keep having them until she no longer could.

As for myself, I see parenthood as a great task, a great honor, and a great joy.  Psalms 127:4-5 reads, "As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them".  My quiver now has five children; I don't think that's quite "full", but each of my children makes me happy.

Maybe I value my aunt's words partially because I like to think differently from the worldly masses, but I felt truth in what she said, or rather in the implication that it is a great blessing to have many children, and that the attitude that will be the best for us is one that brings us to seek out the joys of parenthood in great measure.  I know that many people are medically unable to have children, or to have more children, and I know I am very blessed with the children I have.

Last thoughts for now:
I'm grateful for my children, and grateful to my wife for not only bearing them for me but also for showing such astounding dedication to raising them well and for supporting me as I follow my heart in parenting, even when it means doing some unusual or uncommon things.  I don't know how many children I'll end up with, but I'm glad for those who are with me.

Joy of Fatherhood

At Snow College, I was an assistant ward clerk for a while. One day, while we were waiting for a meeting to start, Bishop Cragun shared a thought with us. I don't think he particularly intended to teach anything with his words, but they have stayed with me. He was speaking of one of his children and one of their activities (I believe it was wrestling). He said that he had wrestled when he was younger, but it was more fun to watch his children do it.

I remember coming to a strange realization myself. I remember echoing others' thoughts that children are entertained by the simplest things. Then, one day as I watched my own daughter, I saw the other side of it: I'm entertained when she does the simplest things. I love hearing her speak. I love watching her learn. She is endlessly entertaining.

Those who achieve the highest degree of exaltation do so specifically because they will exercise the greatest power: procreation. The greatest joy beings can have is found in watching our children and helping them to grow.

Last thoughts for now:
After personal righteousness, my greatest concern is for my family. I look forward to having more children and raising them to love life and live truth.