A Bit of Good Advice for a Successful Marriage

Sometime when I was newly married, when I was living in our first apartment, my father visited me and gave me two pieces of advice for having a successful marriage.  (It might have even been in the month before our marriage, before my wife moved in.)  Sadly, I don't remember the first of his suggestions, but I have always remembered the second.  He said:

"Always let your wife do what she wants with her hair."

That might sounds simple, but I think there's more to it than hairstyles.  It really strikes home with some, people, too; perhaps a year or so later I was in a marriage class at church and when we were asked about this subject (making marriage succeed) and I mentioned the advice my father gave me, one of the sisters in the front row responded with an energetic "Woohoo!" (or some similar exclamation).

I say that a woman ought to be entirely able to choose her hairstyle (including the length) for herself.  Sure, her husband will generally have preferences, and she ought to consider them, but the decision should be hers.  It's her body and her appearance; not only does she clearly have the greatest interest in her appearance, she is the only one with any real claim to control over it.

In past eras or other cultures, it might be highly normal for a husband to dictate certain things like his wife's hairstyle.  In the modern U.S. that kind of practice or attitude is surely less common, though (and this is mostly speculation) it might be more likely in the homes of some latter-day saints.  Members of the church are used to the idea of men being the leader in the home, responsible for guiding the family as the patriarch and priesthood holder.  There's justification for this way of living, and also some very clear warnings in Doctrine and Covenants Section 121:37 against "exercise[ing] control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness".

If my father's advice sounds to any women out there like something to celebrate, it's an indication that some husbands are exceeding the proper bounds of their decision-making authority.  There are times when it's important for a husband and father to seek out revelation for his family, and times when he should express conviction related to what his family should do, but there are also times when his wife's decisions are personal and he should not try to interfere.  If a wife feels like her husband is being domineering, he should genuinely listen to and consider her complaint, and if he's compelling her to the point where she doesn't feel like she's able to make any personal decisions for herself, it's basically a guarantee that he's doing things wrong in a way that is depriving them both of a lot of happiness.

Granted, a wife can definitely be the domineering spouse within a marriage, but in those cases it's the exception to the typical cultural phenomenon for Church members.

Last thoughts for now:
I don't want to focus on the negative side of this, and I would hate to give the impression that domineering spouses are more prevalent than they really are.  I do think it's important to remember the sentiment behind my father's advice.  We ought to respect our husbands and wives and their God-given agency.
(Also, as a side note, my wife does listen to my preferences for her hair and, while she is totally free to choose her hairstyle and length, she has never chosen something that I would dislike.  And she's beautiful.)