Thoughts that Stay With Me: "If I Had the Chance to Do It Again..."

(Note: I realized later that I actually did mention this before, on 03 July 2018.  It's actually pretty similar thoughts, including the same quoted scripture, but I'll leave this second post here.  It might be interesting to compare the two posts.)

I tend to easily put things from the past behind me, and I feel like they gather dust on the back shelves of my mind rather quickly.  It seems that other people tend to remember more from their past than I do, whereas I, for better or worse, tend to not think about most of my past.  But from time to time, someone says something, surely without expecting me to find it particularly remarkable, that sticks with me for years and years.

One of these happened around the time my sister got married.  My wife and I were in Utah, and she was able to attend my sister's bridal shower, which was being held at my uncle Dale's house.  I had nothing better to do, so I tagged along to the house but remained apart from the shower activities.  While there, Dale's wife Diane took some time to talk with me.

We must have spoken for a while, and it was probably mostly just getting caught up with each other's recent life events, but I really don't remember anything she said that evening except for one sentence.  I had commented about her children, and made some general remark about how eight children is a lot.  She then responded with the sentence I will never forget.  As well as I can remember, this is what she said:

"If I had the chance to do it again, I'd have them closer together so that I could have more."

Wow.  That was my reaction: wow.  That wasn't what I expected.  I wasn't at all opposed to having children; quite the contrary, really.  I planned on it.  But that expression from her was so different from what I expect from most people.  Even a family with eight children is fairly rare, but to want more?

I once spoke with an old friend who met me and my wife for lunch.  During our conversation then, he told us that he and his wife didn't plan to have children.  It really hurt to hear him say so.  By that time, we'd already had at least one child ourselves, so we knew how joyous it could be.  Additionally, this friend had served as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ and knew, at least on some level, that God wants us to raise children.  In the years that have followed, this friend and his wife have had at least one child, and I was glad to hear it.  But I've heard from quite a few others who have expressed similar thoughts about not planning to have children.

From Psalm 127:3-5, "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them".

My wife and I had many discussions over the years about when to have more children.  We didn't always agree, and sometimes had to wait.  We now have six children and have determined that we will have no more.  I accept that everyone has to be done with that period of their life at some point--eventually the mother's "biological clock" runs out even if she wants to keep going--and we reached it after our sixth child was born.  Would I have wanted more, with less space between them?  Yes; I understand now pretty well what my aunt meant.  Am I happy with my children?  So very much.  When responding to others asking how many children I have, I commonly tell them the number and then very honestly add, "And I like each one of them!"  I would encourage everyone who is able to raise children to do so (having married traditionally so that the children could be raised by both a mother and father).

Last thoughts for now:
I'm grateful that my Aunt Diane expressed that thought to me all those years ago.  The world needs encouragement to follow God's will, especially related to such a vital commandment as "multiply, and replenish the earth."  The blessings and joy of parenting are boundless, and God's children, waiting to come to the Earth, need good homes where they will be loved and taught by dedicated parents.  I'm grateful beyond words to be able to raise my children.

The Great Things I Hope For

When singing special musical numbers during sacrament meetings, I am always wary; I want to make sure the focus of the meeting is on Christ and His Gospel, and not on people's musical ability.  That being said, my family apparently received many, many compliments last Sunday after six of us sang "Sleep, Little Jesus" together.

I had a couple of coughing children to take home, so I was able to dodge the acclaim.  And I don't know how much we succeeded in inviting the Holy Ghost more than showing off singing ability; that's hard to tell.  But apparently we sang very well.  People told my wife more than once that day that they love it when our family sings.

What makes that kind of singing possible?  Sure, my wife and I are musically competent, though very far from being as skilled as a professional.  We're not wealthy enough for personal vocal instruction for the kids, though we have been able to get some piano lessons for them.  We definitely did some practicing throughout the week, but the kids have enough musical ability already that we can put together a decent song as a group.  What has brought that about?

If our family being able to sing together is a "great thing", then I think what makes it possible is one of those "small and simple things" (Alma 37:6).  Specifically, we sing together (almost) every night as part of our Family Time tradition I wrote about previously.  Each night we sing a hymn or a children's song--just one song, usually.  Over the years, that little bit of continual practice must have had an effect.  My wife considers us to finally be in the "reward" period, where we get to really enjoy singing together with the children, after years of small efforts.

But that daily singing is the least important part of our Family Time tradition.  While I believe music is important, the more important counsel we're trying to follow is the daily family scripture study and prayer.  If daily singing slowly builds our musical ability so that now we can rejoice in the "great thing" of family musical numbers, what great things will come from our small and simple daily scripture study and prayer?

I'm not sure what those great things will be, but I do believe Alma's words that, "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass".  As I said last time, I think that this simple nightly tradition is the most important thing I do, and I believe that it really will bless my children.

Last thoughts for now:
Daily scripture study and prayer are "small and simple things"; we have promises from the Creator of the Universe that they will bring about great things.  Perhaps the great thing they will bring is a solid faith in Christ that will guide my children throughout their lives.  Maybe it will be the traditions that they carry on with their own families.  Maybe it will include greater ability to meaningfully ponder God's word and to converse with others about it.  Maybe it will be all of that and more.

The Most Important Thing I Do

 A while back, I was sitting in on a class held for United States Military Academy cadets by the Church Educational System's Institute of Religion.  I don't remember what the lesson was that evening, but at some point I was thinking about my family's nightly Family Time tradition.  I wrote a post about this back in October 2013, and we still do largely the same thing almost every night.  Essentially, we sing together, we study scripture together, and we pray together.  Recently, we've also often been reviewing personal goals, and of course, we have an extended Home Evening with a lesson, which we now have on Sundays, following a suggestion from Elder Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the October 2018 general conference.  It may seem a simple thing for me, my wife, and my children to take a few minutes for reverence and devotion to God, but as I sat in the Institute class, somehow the thought came to me that Family Time is the most important thing I do.

I hadn't really considered it like that before.  Of course, I know it has been important to me, or I wouldn't have kept up such a tradition for so long.  But when I think about the real, lasting impact of everything I do in life, I don't think anything else will be more important than this simple tradition.  Through it, we're able to learn together and grow spiritually; we're able to provide our children with the knowledge they need to navigate through the trials and confusion of life.  Through it, we find greater unity as a family.  Through it, we remind ourselves daily of how to live as disciples of Christ.

I do other good things in life, whether in Church service, at work, other activities with my family, or just by taking advantage of opportunities when they arise at random, but I don't think the real, lasting impact approaches what I achieve through daily singing, scripture study, and prayer with my family.

It was fascinating to consider.  In the days that have followed, I haven't changed my mind.

Last thoughts for now:
Someday my family will start shrinking as my adult children move out and begin their own lives.  Eventually, we presumably won't have any children remaining at home.  Family Time will be a bit different then as we don't have any children to teach.  In one sense, I think I will have a feeling of, "Mission Accomplished" when that day comes.  I expect that my wife and I will carry on the tradition, but simply focus more on what interests the two of us.  I hope that our children will have similar traditions with their future spouses and children, and I expect that my wife and I will want to join our children's family traditions when possible.  For now, I happily carry on the event each night.  I love it.  And I truly believe that it's the most important thing I do.

Fisher Family Traditions: Family Time

I've always found it important to re-evaluate the way we do things and make changes as necessary (which should be normal, really, if we're repenting as we should).  However, when we think we've got a good idea we tend to want to hold onto it.  One of our favorite family traditions is something call Family Time.

Family Time is a lot like Family Home Evening, except that it's simpler and we do it every day.  In the Church we've repeatedly been counseled to pray together daily as a family and to read scriptures together daily.  We've also been counseled that music invites the Holy Ghost.  These things are the foundation of Family Time.

A while back we also picked up a part I called "gathering".  With that added in, here's how our tradition goes before the kids' bedtime:

Gathering consists of tidying up the living room (which helps Mama to keep the house clean) and then sitting reverently while I play some music on the piano (generally from the Children's Songbook).  I explain to the kids that when we're reverent, we listen to the Holy Ghost, and I sometimes ask what the Holy Ghost told them.  I figure that by practicing reverence at home, the kids will be better at being reverent at church and at other appropriate times.

After gathering, we sing a song together.  For now this is usually from the Children's Songbook instead of the Hymnal.  Sometimes we sing a song that we don't know well, and occasionally one that none of us has even heard before.  If we need to, one of the parents speaks a line of the lyrics before we sing them.  We then read several verses of scripture.  The passage could be as short as two verses (not very often at all) or even a whole chapter (also not very often), though usually it's closer to five or six verses.  The length of the passage is not really important; mostly we want to talk about whatever idea or ideas are contained in the given passage.  We've been reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, and after a few years we're almost through 3 Nephi.  We give everyone a chance to "read"; the younger kids repeat back the words of a verse as a parent reads them. (At one point our three-year old displayed some unwillingness to participate; we used his natural sense of possessiveness to our advantage.  We ask, "Who gets to read Marshall's verse?" to which he happily raises his hand and says, "Me!"  It works almost without fail.)  As the kids participate this way they're also practicing their skills with either reading or memory.  Depending on what the passage, we might even act out what we've read so that the kids can better understand.  After we've read scripture we pray.  For this prayer we kneel in a circle, and lately we've taken to also holding hands as well.

We try to keep up the tradition even when it's not convenient, such as when travelling.  We've even had Family Time in the van.  Sometimes we cut it a little bit short if necessary, though I'm always wary of selling ourselves short.  The kids are accustomed to it and prod us as well.  When we've wanted to keep it short by just having a family prayer, our sweet little three-year-old reminds us that we "forgot to read scriptures".  Because of his encouragement, I've made sure to make the effort to read together even if it's late.

When we get the opportunity, we invite others to participate in our Family Time.  It's a treat for us, and it provides a missionary experience as well when our guests are not members of the Church.  I think it's one of the best ways to bring the Holy Ghost to people.

And, on Mondays, we have Family Home evening, which at a minimum also includes an opening prayer and a lesson but often also involves testimonies, an activity, and a treat.

Last thoughts for now:
Family Time is a wonderful tradition for us.  I know that our family and our individual children are strengthened because of it.  The kids expect it, and while we still need a lot of practice being reverent, they're learning a bit every day.  I'm grateful for the counsel of living prophets and am glad that we've found a good tradition by which we can obey that counsel.

The Joy of the Challenges of Families

(written 21 Aug 11)

I was able to attend an Elder’s Quorum meeting today because I’m out of town. Out of the continental U.S. to be more specific, but anyway, I received a lesson from the teacher about eternal families. I really liked a line from the Gospel Principles manual that stated something about husbands and wives making each other happy. I thought particularly about my daughter’s reaction before I left; I’m confident that she means it when she says she loves me and that she really wants me around, so I must be doing some things right.

It occurred to me also that it’s pretty easy for us to be pleasant with people we don’t have to spend much time with, particularly if we’re just meeting them, but it’s different with our spouses (and children), with whom we spend so much time. We have ups and downs, but even when we’re not feeling well we can generally muster some charm and manners so as to give others a positive impression. With our spouses, though, it’s a continual effort, and it’s hard to be nice all the time; it takes endurance. That’s why it’s so beneficial to us; in being continually nice to our family members, we get a real opportunity to exercise our charity “muscles”, or in other words, to become more Christlike.

The idea of the our role in the family structure being a key part of our struggle to perfect ourselves isn’t new, but it’s recassuring to see the wisdom of God’s plan for us.

Very likely, it’s the fact that we must put effort into our family relationships that makes them so fulfilling and joyous.

Last thoughts for now:
I love my family. I’m glad they miss me when I’m away. I’m glad that I have to make a real effort at times in order to show them that I love them. I’m glad that my wife makes such efforts for me. I’m grateful for my covenants.

My Great Life Work

I've had aspirations at times to do great things. Perhaps one day I might write some great work that will inspire others to something truly good. Maybe I'll serve in a public office. Or maybe I'll do something else great and grand.

And maybe I won't.

I'm not always sure I want to. Given my less-than-stellar performance as an Army officer, I sometimes wonder if I really have it in me to do something great anyway. As complicated as the world gets, I sometimes yearn for simplicity. That yearning is generally balanced by a realization that I have the opportunity to do good things, and thus, I have a corresponding responsibility.

At some point, though, I realized that regardless of what else I do in life, there's something to which I aspire that will be more important than anything else I might do. If I can stay faithful and true to my covenants, my great life work will be to be a true disciple of Christ.

I'm sure that many people would be underwhelmed by such a statement. After all, what's obeying a few commandments compared to being a world leader? As for myself, though, I know that truly following God's will is more important than anything else. If I can be an example to others, encourage them to also follow Christ, and help them even a little bit to gain their own exaltation, that will be of greater value than any movie produced or any legislation passed.

Of course my family is important also; my second general life goal, after gaining my own exaltation, is to help my family to do the same.

Last thoughts for now:
I still hope to make myself useful in many ways, but despite any other things I may accomplish, I know what is most important. If I can manage to succeed at it, my great life work will be to live as a true disciple of Christ.

The Image of God

I'm not sure what brought on this thought, but I wondered the other day if perhaps our idea of what our Heavenly Father is like comes largely from what our earthly fathers are like.

People seem to have varied ideas about what God is like. I think they feel differently about His motives and His level of involvement in our lives.

Yesterday night I sort of completed the thought when it occurred to me that the father in the home is supposed to provide the best example to his children of what God is like.

(I then suppose that our mothers initially give us our ideas of what our Heavenly Mother is like, though of course we don't speak of her often.)

The father is the patriarch in his home. He is the priesthood leader in the family, and the priesthood is the power and authority to act in God's name. Just as the bishop is God's representative to all members of the ward, the father is God's representative to his family.

So when the world lacks an understanding of what God is like (and this is something I've seen many times over many years), I can only ascribe blame for that to fathers who failed to live as they should and to provide a good example to their children.

How many people feel as if God is not involved in their lives, that He doesn't care about them, or even that He does not exist? How many people have grown up in homes where the father was absent, or where he gave his attention to other things and rarely spent time with his kids?

Satan has been subtly undermining the roles of men (and women) for decades. How many in the world have lost faith in our Heavenly Father in recent years? Satan has also been discouraging people from having children, and thus denying themselves the most important opportunity to be examples of godliness and thus learn about Him that way. (After all, being a father has been the most instructive experience for me in learning about God.)

Naturally, though, the place in which I must really concern myself is in my own home, with my own children (and wife). That is where I can serve best, where the power of my example is the greatest.

Last thoughts for now:
I'm sure there are various other factors that shape a person's idea of God, particularly since my own father was often not present during my younger years. However, I believe that I have a responsibility in my own home to be a righteous man in whom my family can see godly attributes. The task of teaching my family, by example, the nature of God, is mine.

Joy of Fatherhood

At Snow College, I was an assistant ward clerk for a while. One day, while we were waiting for a meeting to start, Bishop Cragun shared a thought with us. I don't think he particularly intended to teach anything with his words, but they have stayed with me. He was speaking of one of his children and one of their activities (I believe it was wrestling). He said that he had wrestled when he was younger, but it was more fun to watch his children do it.

I remember coming to a strange realization myself. I remember echoing others' thoughts that children are entertained by the simplest things. Then, one day as I watched my own daughter, I saw the other side of it: I'm entertained when she does the simplest things. I love hearing her speak. I love watching her learn. She is endlessly entertaining.

Those who achieve the highest degree of exaltation do so specifically because they will exercise the greatest power: procreation. The greatest joy beings can have is found in watching our children and helping them to grow.

Last thoughts for now:
After personal righteousness, my greatest concern is for my family. I look forward to having more children and raising them to love life and live truth.